The Pathi drawing line - The Beevi no crossing! Huh?!

No grudge or anything against anyone today.. But this incident did provoke me a couple of days back & made me to ponder the issue in detail...

Days with R are really busy & tied up.. Managing everything (everything here means taking care of R exclusively + cooking == dead tiredness + assured weight loss) for R & myself alone (B is a student! Comes home in the evenings like how we used to come back from a very tough exam & so can't thrust much work on the poor fellow) wears me out.. I long for nights where I can do some sole-facebooking & finally rest my eyes! These days I have even stopped spending long hours chatting over the phone with my friends & family - B is happy about it as I have brought down the telephone bills.. :-)

B's relatives (most of them) are residing in one of the European Countries.. Now I need to tell something - the government over there has given an extremely daring yet the best luxury any lady could ask for- free phone calls to India especially to houses with landlines.. Not an issue.. We have one & every alternate day we get phone calls.. (My God looking at them calling everytime has made the great Me reduce the phone-talk rather I believe..) Things are now different in here as R's mobility has increased & I need to watch him like a hawk.. Also we have the fixed landline & do not have a cordless phone yet for some unknown reason yet to be discovered & everytime I get a call, I need not run & check who's calling from the in-built caller-id, rather my mind-voice informs it's from there.. So depending upon R's status & also my status with R (diaper changing / feeding / lullaby-ing / coo-ing etc etc...) I decide whether to answer or not as I need to run all the way to the living room leaving R alone.. There is always a next call from there to explain the previous call's situation! :-) Lucky!!!

So one day like this when R's status was okey I quickly rush & answer the alarming rings from the living room. It was the usual voice of her, "mmmm, yeah.. so what are you doing?", and I explain to her,"well, we just had our lunch.... nothing much here.. what are you guys doing?" She continues,"Yeah you know na, my sister's daughter is getting married, the engagement was a full blast.. the groom looks too good.., too young for his age, tall, fair... blah blah blah......" She was speaking so much about her niece's fiance that my mind on the other side was thinking about R.. I had left him on the bed with a huge wall of pillows wrapped up in a thick blanket which would be tough for him to push & crawl out, but still a mom's mind cooks a lot.. As I was thinking if I should bring R here or not (as bringing him here will also disturb me as he won't stay put on my lap & the distractions which I show, will put her off... - see i need to think so much!!) I could hear the voice there still praising about the groom.. I was about to tell her to wait for 5 minutes while I put R in his pram & bring him to the hall where we were talking, when she told, "my niece kilicha koda thaanda maataaru......" - which means - the groom there never crosses the line drawn by her niece..  (literally means a obedient groom..! what the...!!) She didn't stop with that, she continued, "namma relative la kooda oruthar apadithaan.... (in a sarcastic tone)" - which means - in our relative circle also there is one person like him..

Now I needed 3 clarifications while R was still in my mind -
1. Why do I have to listen to all this when I had my own tensions running here?,
2. They aren't yet husband & wife - why to discuss about those young people?
3. What's wrong lady? - it's their life.. Let each other draw lines & jump or not jump!

& yeah .... I needed a 4th one also - what's with the sarcastic tone? So here it is - she did mean us.... rather B!!!! Poor B...!

The phone call ended with R's shrill cry from inside that I had to hang up & rush inside to pacify.. The day went on, but my mind was still stuck with the comment I had to hear.. Now I had to analyse this what's so mean about me & B?...

1. B's circle of relatives are born & brought up in a primitive town in TN.. Though they have settled in Europe, their thoughts are still primitive.. It's still Patidev RULES in every house!! A wife blindly listens to her husband whether the man is right or wrong, not a word against.. (yeah comments are allowed later though! :P) Probably the next generation which is born & brought up there will be different i guess..
2. B is the youngest chap in his circle - a decade gap which will obviously change the point of viewin all aspects!!
3. I am the  odd lady out here.. I have been brought up in a different situation altogether.. I have gone to schools where we reason out each & everything.. We participate in group discussions & interviews, where we are supposed to answer back.. In my house, I definitely know my capacity & I leave the final choice to B.. B has his own position here, but aahhhh... the mutual decision we try to make in some cases is what has troubled those primitive town relatives..

In today's world I have seen men leaving the entire decision making to their wives (one of my relative gives his entire package to his wife & takes some as his pocket money!).. Women drive cars, Women are pilots, Women are in politics, Women are everywhere.. In each & every case, in every situation given women have to make their decisions & back home how many of them blindly wait for their husband to make a decision? No! Atleast they go in for a discussion be it any situation unless & until the husband comes up with a bang-on idea! I needed to explain this entire stuff to the lady who injected this sort of tension (while i was already overloaded with R).. Not sure how, but somehow I need to erase this kind of nose-poking thoughts from her mind..

Later that night I was thinking about her... How sarcastic she can get to make fun of our family! How much this lady is capable of? I wonder how she manages to finish her cooking, cleaning, taking care of her kid, making overseas calls regularly, analysing how each family situation works - who dominates who, gossips, making sarcastic comments...!!! My God Iam no way near her... What's the use having got Master's degree & I don't know how to manage this simple situation! It looks simple, but if i need to act like her, I have to put in some big homework...! Iam happy being myself.. I don't poke my nose neither I know how to indulge in such sarcasm! Poor B was sleeping unaware of the whole situation.. How I wished I was in B's place now.. Somewhere in my mind it was running - Are women really complicated? How the situation has complicated!!!

Now if there is any future phone call, I will know how to handle.. Lady inside me says, "Just don't answer! Let her know you are upset, annoyed, confronted by her previous call!" Me: "How long can I do that? Let's forget it for now. Next time I will give her back..!" Lady Inside me: "If you leave it now, then she will take advantage again! So either give her back, else ignore her calls..!" Me: zzzzZzzzzzz. Lady Inside Me: "You there? Lazy Bones?"

Was I in Europe, in my dreams.......? 

The Bulb that wasn't a Bulb after all :) - Valentine Day Special

Everyone might wonder what's a bulb doing here anyways... In our colloquial slang bulb means - something u expect so much to happen but that doesn't! Mere disappointment - Then you get a Bulb! God Bless the person who named it!


Valentine Day.. Me being a dreamy girl as always imagines life to be a cinema way.. I will give you examples: I love giving gifts (love receiving them as well), sending emotional msgs like I love you, I miss you, of course Iam angry with you etc.., surprise my B on birthday, new year & yeah V-day etc etc.. On the contrary, Mr.B is a very realistic man.. Never gets carried away by emotions.. So this Valentines Day I had planned for a surprise.. Noted down all of B's favorite stuff & called up a cake lady (whom i googled n found out she is free for this Vday - my effort worth mentioning) & asked her to make the very famous cupcakes with these "stuff" as sugarcraft models on top.. It was all super set for the Vday..


On one hand I do know my B would never do anything of this sort like me, yeah somewhere my heart longed B to surprise me :) See you should note the point here.. I have stopped longing for diamond rings, electronic gadgets, clothes etc... ;-) All i expected was a small heart-shaped cake ( why the cake? - i saw this in Sweet Chariot Cake Shop a few days back & I thought B also saw & planned to gift me - see how imaginary I can be) So, here I am on the eve of V day planning how the day should be.. Anyways B has his usual routine & i didnt really wanna bother him - asking him to take a day off.. That i felt was a bit too much!


It was in the evening around 5.30 pm on 13th feb, when my radar started checking the whereabouts of B.. That's because his classes are supposed to end by 5pm & thats what he told when he left for the college.. (Okey now B has been sponsored for his PG & he is now a student!) Now B was disconnecting all my calls.. Yeah if it was a normal day my inside lady & my radar would not have bothered me much.. But today is the eve of Vday...


Lady inside me: Why did B disconnect your 1st call at 5.30pm?
Me: arey probably the lab is not over yet......


After some half an hour, again I give a call..


Me: Now its 6pm & he still disconnected my call... what's this for?
Lady inside me: mmmm i know... are you sure he said the class will be over by 5pm? why don't you drop him an sms? damn cellphone you all have na?
Me: Yeah sure.. will do that.. now you don't talk that way & make me tensed..
Lady inside me: (murmurs) funny people...
I oblige & drop an sms "hey.. wher are you? it's 6 na.. lab is from 2pm to 5pm right? wat u doin?"
Pat came back an sms frm B - "in lab.. REPEATING"
Lady inside me: (beaming with pride) see? you atleast received some reply.. What's this REPEATING for?
Me: Hey why do you keep digging? You make me all the more anxious.. He says that as a warning not to call back or disturb (for atleast next half an hour)


Now its 6.30pm..


Lady Inside me: oh oh i get it...
Me: What??
Lady Inside Me: Tomorrow is valentine day.. probably B is out there getting you something... diamond ring?
Me: No way.. go away!
Lady Inside Me: ahhh.. don't u like?
Me: 2 things... sorry 3 things: 1. well beyond our budget, 2. he won't buy such things naturally, 3. iffffff he is gonna buy he will obviously take me to the store..
Lady inside me: ok.. then may be he is getting you that heart-shaped cake from sweet chariot..
Me: Definitely no..
Lady Inside me: how do you know? may be some cake.. not the heart-shaped one.. :)
Me... hmmm if that's what you say.. I don't want to discuss more.. let's see..


So arguing, i picked up my phone & dialed.. It wasn't a missed call or a quarter call.. It was almost a full round of rings & i thought B is gonna blast me for disturbing him during his lab (now back to B's reality) I was about to cut when i heard, "aaahh hello?".. I quickly asked, "hey where are you?", "In lab....(a pause) why?", "no.. u said your class is till 5pm na?", " no it just got over as (some technical stuff) couldn't tolerate the weight, it broke dash dash dash...." blah blah he was sounding so technical that it evapourated in air without entering my head.. Lady inside me asks, "what's he saying by the way? i guess he is bluffing.. he is there in some cake shop, pucca!".. listening to both of them simultaneously i checked the time & asked, "hey no i still remember your class was till 5.. that's why......" B got quite pissed off & answered impatiently, " so what, iam starting home in another 15 minutes.. still in lab, i just came out to answer your call.. bye!" The call was disconnected..


With so many things running in my mind, I really didnt want to get disappointed & so I quickly continued with my evening chores - waking up R from his blissful sleep, giving him some playtime & made myself some hot milk.. B came in another 40 minutes & everything was going smoothly when there was yet another battle within my mind - basically B has come, switched on the TV as usual & was watching it as usual.. No sign of any surprise he is planning to do.. oh a bulb! But yeah.. I, as a person knows B too well.. So why to think of things that aren't gonna happen! I continued my work..


But things were otherwise.. See as a cinematic person as Iam totally, I am thinking why B shouldn't gift me
anything for a Vday?


1. B is a man going out & coming home daily & meeting quite a few people daily.. Each one will share their view of Vday for sure - how they are planning for a party or a surprise for their spouse..
2. However not interested in all these things, In so many years with me, he would have seen my ever-anxious eyes asking him silently - "will you surprise me or gift me for this bday, vday, anniversary... etc etc?"
3. Yeah - the most important which I felt I would surely win a law-case itself - Me being a new mom, i have made an effort to find out people who make custom cup-cakes here, rang them up & found out who is free for this feb 14th to make me some 10 assorted cupcakes with sugarcrafts on top of them - each one B's favourite stuff.. So I had pre-ordered them & asked B to drop me in Richmond town to collect the same.. He knew it's something that Iam pretty much doing for this Vday.. He should have seen my effort..
4. Atleast guilt should provoke him.. :) Lol iam not criticising.. I just feel that sometimes B should be provoked to do something to coo his wifey beforehand - "oh, she will do something secretly behind me.. let me do atleast THIS TIME!" (even the thought will be a surprise for me! LOL)
5. Arey yaar - there is only 1 birthday, 1 Valentine Day & 1 Anniversary in a year - so totally 3 gifts in a year! We can do it... can't we B?


Also Lady Inside me was giving out reasons why B wouldn't be doing what i expect - This time against me! Bah that would be hundreds!!!


1. B always thinks it is unnecessary - both surprising & gifting
2. B doesn't really understand it's purpose.. B has been brought up like that.. Not like you lady!
3. B also checks on the monthly budget now & then.. So if something big happened in the same month or before, it's definitely a No-No from B.. (It's a universal law)
4. No way B! B will always be B.. :)


While thinking all this my face changes obviously.. I wasn't looking around while I was busy thinking & cooking dinner.. Suddenly I heard B's voice.. "Hey, anything wrong? You upset or anything?".. It added salt.. Yeah, so I kept my face even more long & gave back "NOTHING!" That's enough for B to understand there is REALLY something.. "Hey, I don't understand...!", he started off & I immediately cut in, "nothing, leave it.. Have your dinner first".. Then there was silence.. I was thinking fast now.. What was gonna happen next? Am i going to start a fist of arguments which is definitely not gonna lead you anywhere or spend the next day with happiness as though nothing happened or or or just give a forehand  saying "B pls don't get angry for what iam gonna say next... so on..." Thinking all this I came back to our living room to see B watching some serious cricket.. Damn damn.. Very hard to understand B...


So I had my dinner & started checking some Fb.. B came in & asked.. "Anything wrong as I asked you before?" & I decided to choose my 3rd option & here I went.. "B, see.. Don't be angry n all.. I know you wont like to celebrate Vday.. But you can atleast see the effort which I had put in.. Iam new to this city as you are, but in these so many months I haven't explored it as much as you have.. It all takes the interest B.. Nothing else.." I hope he understood what I wanted to badly convey to him.. B didn't show much of a reaction.. So saying I updated an anti-Vday status which read as follows:




"What is special in love ?
.
.
.
.
.
nothing special...!
Two vowels ,
two consonants ,
&
two fools...!! Happy Valentines Day! :)"


For which I got few LIKEs immediately.. I asked B to read it & told it's for him.. Oh my God.. do you know what B said.. "you are going to be angry with me - 1. the reason you are already angry for & 2. for not understanding the message & how it was damn related to me!" - he told so innocently that I burst out laughing so hard that B too took advantage of the situation & laughed.. So I guess we moved onto the 2nd option yeah nothing happened so far & move on happily with Vday.. 


I retired for the night trying to put R to sleep as he tried to vigorously play thinking it just dawned for him.. B was telling it's gonna be 12.. I was thinking "oh so what? you already know about the cupcakes I have bought for you. I am too tired &  way far from my Vday mood, so not now.. Tomorrow will be apt for cupcakes!" Meanwhile R was getting into a fit of shoutings as he was getting sleep probably & I got busy lullaby-ing R so that he forgets any toy from his mind &  gets into a proper sleep.. The way I did the lullaby even I dozed off a little.. Suddenly I heard B shouting "Happy Valentine Day" from the other corner of the room.. I was slightly angry as he totally disturbed R from his drowsiness I had artificially created for him & I turned around to stare hard at B for what he had done.. The moment I turned I could hear the lady inside me  mocking at me, "Didn't I tell you lady? But yeah Iam slightly wrong ........" I didn't listen to one word.. I was really moved.. B was standing right there with a bunch of bright red roses.. Oh my dear God.. It was unbelievable.. B has never in his life taken all these seriously! Bringing one for me was definitely so nice & touching.. Immediately I pounced from my bed & snatched the bunch from him.. Wow they looked really lovely.. I counted them, there were 15! B had disappeared again & he came back this time with a smaller bunch & took R in his other hand  was mimicking from behind saying "I love you amma" - R is giving me his small Vday gift for me.. Oh wow! B are you the same B? I was totally in LOVE! This did make me happy..


I realised something then... I may have expected diamonds, platinums etc.. But B had just come up with a bunch of rose which was no where near those expensive items - which really made me the happiest lady that night.. No no.. not what i said before that i had come down for anything that B gifts.. It was a simple message that B loves me... :) 


So after all the drama - the bulb that I nearly got wasn't a bulb afterall.. Happy Valentine Day guys!! 

A peep into my blog after a long long time :)

Guys, how r u all? So here I am into blogging yet again after a not-so-long - gonna-be-3 years  time :)
Reasons :
a new job post my wedding bliss, work keeping me busy, job tension rather madness, job unsatisfaction (shall talk about this in another post rather), job jumping, again doing a mistake of falling into the hands of a wrong boss rather a terrific lady who tries to screw you up in all possible ways, running away from her (yeah i did), my husband's posting to a different city altogether - packing, shifting business etc, me getting the preggy way, 9 months roll by, blessed with a baby boy, new mom tensions... yeahhhhh thats the long 3 years story.. the last one is still continuing a big way :)

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A seed ascends around the turntable.

The Stereotyped Dinings!....

Mrs. & Mr. Bala,
You have been invited for dinner
on
15th October 2008
Time: 8 PM
Venue: #3, Krishna
- Mrs & Mr Jain

"You have been invited for dinner".. Will you say no? Neither did I...

It was hardly a month after my wedding & hardly had spent a few days in Mumbai, when my husband came home after work & gave me this small invitation card. I was totally surprised to see an invitation card for Dinner!.. The moment i saw the card, I started nagging my husband, "Do you guys invite each other like this??", "Too much!!", "Why would they print a card for dinner?", "Is he some big shot kind??", "Do we also have to print cards like this in case we invite ppl for dinner?", "How many did he invite?, How many did he print?".... so on & on..... Got tired with my non-stop non-sense questions, my husband replied that senior officers will invite their juniors this way & its optional to print those cards & "Be prepared tomorrow evening!"....



Having purchased so many sarees during my wedding, i decided to wear a pattu saree for the occasion! :-) This being the very first outing for me in Mumbai I was too much excited!! So the next day i cooked lesser than usual ;-), had a hair wash, selected a saree, pressed it, selected matching imitation jewellery etc., etc... Once my husband was back home, i was almost ready! Time was just 6 PM & i was fully dressed up!!.. (I wasnt this excited even on my wedding.. & I was the last one to enter the hall on my engagement after a day long toiling in my parlour!)



Slowly my husband got ready as there was 2 hours more.. As for myself, I was adjusting my saree, my hairstyle, my makeover etc as & when I crossed the mirror.. Tired of what I was doing & also with a little panic that I might tend to change the saree or something at the last moment, cleverly my husband said that we would better start..! Though the time was just 7, we pushed off to their place.. On the way he remembered that we should give them a bouquet & diverted to a bouquet vendor.. Quickly we selected one & off we drove to the Jain's residence...



The Jains had invited a few more officers like Bala, but they were all bachelors & we were the only couple.. It was just 7.20PM when we arrived there.. Very much on-time!!! 40 minutes before & we were the first to reach as well.. :-) After handing over the bouquet to Mrs.Jain, I sat in one comfortable couch adjusting my saree now n then..



After some 15 minutes, the remaining gang of bachelors arrived.. Mr.Jain then got up & asked me first if i would need some 'drinks' (defence men respect other officer's wives first & that too the youngest one among the crowd!!) He had actually asked me about hot drinks.. But then i being so naive, couldnt really understand what he meant.. My husband came to my rescue & confessed that I am 'teetotaller'.. What the heck!!!... (Obviously I am!) Finally I settled with a glass of mango juice & some small-eats... Time was 8PM..



Then came the round of hot drinks! I have now left concentrating on my plate & was seriously eyeing what my husband was doing.. He too was eyeing me now n then & then happily settled with 2 glasses of his favourite drink.. In the Jain's house there were only 2 teetotallers at that stage. The other person apart from me was another bachelor officer, a slim, short & fair guy (as white as a plain sheet!). I learnt that he has just joined & he has not tasted any of these yet.. But the bachelor gang were not jobless enough to spare him.. So the game or rather the ritual of "Aur peeyo...." started for him... Meanwhile i felt that my hunger devil was back into action.. So i kept nibbling at the small-eats like pakoras, chips, fried peanuts etc etc etc! So many to name even.. Whatever you may say, my hunger was at its peak & i couldnt cheat it by feeding these small-eats!



It was almost 9.30 PM & suddenly Mr.Jain said "CHEERS!!"... Obviously I got startled not just because of the shrill voice i heard, but the entire audience, including my husband were watching me rather staring at me.. Why? Anything funny on me?? I looked at my dear husband... He was half smiling & indicated that i should now drop those nasty pakoras & pick up my mango juice & raise it high like the rest... How will i know!!? I thought only hot-drinkers should join.. Never ever knew that mango-juicers can join too!.. Poor me!! So i slowly raised & before that, ppl have started tasting their drinks!! hmmmm.....!



The round of drinks was served for the next hour and a half!.. Time 11PM...! I have seriously not in my entire life crossed my dinner time more than 10PM...! Drinks & heavy work related discussions were going on... It seemed that noone had the slightest idea of atleast checking out what was going to be served for dinner.. Also i couldnt smell any cooking inside.. Moreover Mrs Jain was also seated right beside me. Yeah you are right! I was also thinking the same.. I didnt see her move from her place right from the time we came.. I was very seriously thinking whether she had cooked anything for us! :-(

Meanwhile these bachelor guys & the married men were all laughing & were talking in Hindi man! AGAIN!.. My husband used to look at me & ask me in Hindi if i were able to follow any of those they spoke.. I too gave him a stern look - a warning signal which meant:

1. Is it that important for me?? I am damn hungry man!
2. Now why do you want to ask me in front of all in a language that they too understand?! Why cant you ask in Tamil instead???!!
3. Have we come here for dinner or something else? Will they serve us dinner or can we leave soon? PLEASE!!

My husband was least bothered about my look!! He started explaining what they all just spoke & laughed... He was by the way explaining to me in Hindi & English..! And i had to put up & listen with a false smile.. My hunger moaning turned out into a legal pain right now.. TIME 11.45PM!!

GOD!...

Now suddenly i turned towards the other teetotaller who was sitting opposite to me.. He was looking at the ceiling! What was he gaping at!!! I then looked at my husband.. He was on his third drink & on a serious discussion about some engine!!! I was going to faint for sure! Suddenly my nostrils caught up some ghee melting aroma.. Heaven!! But wait... What?? Are they cooking now?? Who is cooking??? When will i ever get to see the cooked dishes?? Will i faint before that happens? I came to know that Mrs Jain had already finished cooking before we came & the reheating process was going on..! Seriously i tell you, one must be a saint or you should have had a small dine-out before you go for dinner to these officer's place!! I mean it!

TIME 12AM!.. The next day has started..! "Help yourselves!" I could hear Mrs & Mr Jain inviting us all with profound happiness to the dining hall! I dragged myself to the dining table.. I was least bothered about my saree right now! I didnt have energy to lift my plate even!.. Finally the most awaited dinner was served.. As they were Rajasthanis they served their typical Rajasthini food.. I didnt know what it was like, but i kept eating whatever was served. See there is one more disadvantage in this officer's dinner party.. Varieties of dishes will be served & in huge amounts which can neither be denied nor you can leave it back in your plates! Already you would be perturbed of the "very late" dinner timing, meanwhile you would have lost your hunger n appetite & cultivated a new pain due to which you wouldnt feel like eating..!! Teek hai! ;-) But continuosly yours plates will be refilled.. Mind it.. I was adjusting to a level.. But at the back of my mind I have decided.. "Am not going to eat more than what i feel like...!! Whatever, Whomever thinks!!" While eating too, these people were talking about their work & work pressure!.. GOD!

Suddenly i turned to my 'teetotaller-companion'.. He was laughing alone! What for?!! My GOD! His face which was snow white before was pinkish now as though he was blushing!! I slowly turned towards my husband & asked him to look at him.. On seeing him, my husband reported that this could be a little side-effect as he had drunk a lot the very first time!!.. Guys, he didnt stop laughing at any point of time!! And the most funniest part was he even noticed me looking at him surprised & was sharing the laugh with me! Already I was struggling to eat.. Now gone!! After I had seen him laughing like this, did the rest of the members present at the table realise...! He didnt speak but kept laughing alone... I felt sorry for him.. Suddenly he opened his mouth & said that whatever he was hearing around him was like that of 'echo' & he felt as though he is standing in a tourist spot called 'Echo Point' in Mahabaleshwar!!.. I wanted to give one thud on his head...! How was he able to speak like this even in such a crisis??!!!!

Finally my teetotaller gave up his laughing, blushing & also eating, & walked to the couch where he was first seated & dozed off! Enough of seeing those funny & slightly annoying moments, i decided to complete whatever I could & without looking at my husband, i 'closed' my plate! I could hear Mrs & Mr Jain asking me to eat more..., but i frankly said "Thank you! am done!".. I then went and started watching TV hopefully waiting for my husband to complete & start home.. TIME 12.45AM.. No way.. The rest of them in the table seemed to be heavily glued to their seats.. Finally the other devil in me - Sleep, came over & i could feel myself dozing off, hopefully giving company to my teetotaller who was already in his deepest dreams..!

TIME 1.10AM. I could here some movement in the dining hall & they had all finally decided to do justice to me!.. Once all of us were seated back in our respective couches, I was waiting for my husband to speak up to leave home.. I didnt know what he was waiting for when suddenly Mrs Jain came up with large bowls of home-made kulfis..! I was DEVASTATED!! You cannot speak up now, because this was not part of the dinner, this was the dessert! I couldnt eat any & i was playing with the spoon & cup & i could see that the kulfi had started melting already... I then decided to have one or two spoons & then leave it aside, when i saw Mr Jain now coming up with another set of kulfis - slightly different color!.. I was now confused!.. What kind of people are they??! Where they of a mindset that our mouths can themselves do instant digestion!??! GOD knows!! He came happily announcing that he had done these & those were done by his wife & wanted us to taste n tell which one was better!! Didnt these people have a better time to play? It was 1.30AM guys!! In next 5 minutes i was hopelessly playing with 2 sets of cups & spoons.. I tasted one spoon from this & one from that.. Thats it! Even GOD cannot help me eat after this.. I had a feel that my saree might tear anytime as my belly was getting bloated!!!

2AM guys!... Finally my husband & the other guys decided to leave the Jain's residence! I didnt know what i thought at that moment... But I SMILED!.......

The Stuffing & Gobbling Etiquette!

After 2 months of my married life, my hubby had a training somewhere near Pune & I planned to accompany him.. He, coming from the armed forces background, follows a stream of customs & protocols. But myself, though i am from the bon-ton, i love enjoying life to the fullest.. No rules! No decorums!

As officers mostly don't take their wives to these trainings, they do not usually provide houses with kitchen. But in our case, we just got married & i wanted to explore new places!! Not having a kitchen in your house has its positives & negatives..

Positives:
1. You need not cook!
2. You need not buy the groceries!
3. You need not wake up early to make breakfast!
4. You need not have a huge luggage piled up at the end of your trip!!

There are so many optimistic "need nots" man! But there was only one Negative that shot up on the first day & continued to have impact on me even after we left.. :-(

We had reached this place on a chilly night in early November last year.. After a long winding travel in car, we had no other option other than coil up ourselves in those cosy beds.. So my husband didn't have any time to brief up of my forthcoming ordeal..........


Breakfast was served at 8AM on all days in the officer-cum-family dining hall.. So we both were up at around 6.45 & had tough time with the heater, had bath, dressed up neatly & all set to go for the EVENT! Once we reached the place which was a 5 minute walk from our place, we found that we were the first couple standing with starved out bellies, but the dining hall was yet to be opened..!


After 15, 20 minutes someone came by & opened the hall... Probably he heard our hunger sound! Need not to tell, we pounced inside & what I saw in the hall was even more sorrowful in my case.. It was a buffet system.. Alright... Fine... I saw spoons, forks, knives & plates piled up in the first place.. I sensed that the breakfast was bread omelet! I had no other go.. I gathered some courage, went ahead, took out a plate & picked up 3 bread omelets.. My husband called me back & asked me to take a knife & fork along with the plate.. I was shocked! What the heck!? Why would i eat bread omelet using these instruments!! I very well can eat using my hands.. (Alright, lets try eating with them... I am not gonna waste a single second else my belly is gonna die!) Pat came the next call from my husband again.. "Take just one bread omelet. If u still need one more, go for it later." What? What?? I could see more officers in uniform, their wives, wailing & notorious kids walking inside the hall.. I didn't want to do injustice to my starved out body!

When i looked up at my husband i understood that i had 0% option to take a 2nd piece!.. I looked at him again with my eyes indicating towards the second piece.. I know! I am an understanding wife! So i could actually feel my husband's face growing red.. He was getting angry because:
(1) He was getting late for the training scheduled.
(2) There was a Q behind him waiting with equal hunger as us!
(3) The others who were seated in the table & those waiting were senior officers!!

By now actually i could feel that my hunger has half gone! May be it had decided to attack me at an exorbitant rate after my husband leaves!! Poor me... I followed my husband with that single divine khana to seat myself in the long dining table.. On seeing it i can remember one English movie. Yes guys! It resembled like that of what we have all seen in Titanic movie.. I was like the hero who had to sit with highly well-to-do people! My God! As these things were running at the back of my head, suddenly 2 officers almost got up from their seats and emphatically said "GOOD MORNING MA'M!!" Thats it! Gone! My Hunger!!!! Gone forever i believe!!! I almost dropped my plate & those funny instruments from my hand!!! They appeared in their middle age 40-some, but still they enjoyed calling me Ma'm! Do you know where my hunger was by now? It came right in front of me, gave me one tight slap & left me forever! :-(

After this, i tried hard to concentrate on how people were managing to eat with the fork & knife.. I turned to my husband... Gosh! His plate lied empty! He was done with his breakfast!! Was he going to leave me alone?? I havent touched my khana yet! Should i continue my eating stunts in front of these "respectful" officers?! My God! No way.....After my husband left giving me an assuring "i too can eat like him" kinda smile, I decided to wait for those officers to complete first.. Meanwhile i wanted to act & asked for a glass of milk as suggested by my husband to ask for "just one glass"... By the time the steward brought in the milk, these officers "excused" themselves & left the hall..

Shoot! I tried my hands on the fork & knife.. I held the fork in my left hand & knife in my right as my husband ate.. I held the fork tight onto the bread & cut using my knife.. No way, nothing got cut.. "Try and fail, but don't fail to try".. Yeah, so on the third or fourth try, my fork had picked up a shapeless piece of it & straight away gobbled it in a haste.. Same way i continued stuffing the rest of it.. By the time i finished eating, i could find a dim light around me... It was half past nine! The Steward Ganesh was closing all the window screens.. It seemed like a warning signal to me "Are you going to stop your stupid eating of just one bread omelet & leave this hall or shall i lock you in??".. Feeling embarassed, i decided not to go for another bread omelet as craved before & i brought the glass of milk closer to me. I saw 3 labeled similar looking containers saying "Tea", "sugar" & "coffee".. Ganesh instructed that the "tea" labeled container will have Bournvita kinda beverage.. As i strictly hate coffee & tea, i was relieved that something of my taste was there.. By then Ganesh has half closed the main door.. Time was nearing 9.40! He started talking something in Hindi to me, which i swear i didnt understand.. But i sensed that he is asking me to get out soon! So i opened the "tea" container & took a spoonful of it & a spoonful from the "sugar" & mixed them in my glass of milk.. I found some difference in it.. But unable to discover any, i sipped the milk & GOD! It was coffee! I couldnt drink any of it.. I could see that Ganesh was eyeing me from some corner.. Slowly I acted to sip.. I sipped some.. I wanted to spit it out.. By then some officer came inside to speak with Ganesh, didnt want to miss the chance, i quickly slipped the glass of coffee on the chair my husband sat & I left the hall once for all!!...

Way back home I was feeling heavy at heart! One and a half hour solid... just went away for eating a bread omelet..... My God... Still 3 months to go!

Ek Gaon Mey Ek Kisan Rahutha Tha.... Part 2

Though excited about the fact that am gonna be a Mumbaikar after my 23 successful years of being a pucca Chennaiite, deep inside i could feel the very tense of picking up this language! My first rehearsal of this language was with the Station Master at CST while my husband went to collect our huge trunk boxes from the brake van! I seriously dont know guys who started the conversation, but i found after some 20 mintues of non-stop chatter with him, i realised that we both were in deep conversation about both our families!!! In fact i was speaking with my English followed by a हे ! For eg., if i wanted to know where his family is, i would say, "your family kahan hai? yeah well wont i know words like kahan hai, acha hai, teek hai, etc etc?? :-)

Though my starting was not bad, i did really meet up with big problems when some carpenter, plumber, electrician etc., visit my house.. I used to mime, dance, sweat out & suffer before i could speak out what i wanted.... After so many of my ordeals, unable to bear my prattles, a carpenter who had not even one clean teeth had mockingly laughed at me, a maid who was only my waist height almost rolled & fell down laughing at my Hindi! I have heard this sentence immediately from them after their hearty laughs... "अच्छा .. आपको हिन्दी नही आ रहा है...!?" (Oh! Ok.. You dont know Hindi?!!)

Onions are called "pyaas" alias "kaandha".. How will I know for God's sake!!? I asked my maid to get them..
Me: "Onion leke aao shop se"...
Maid: "Kya? Kaandha??" I saw her lips bind after that word Kaandha... (I swear on God!)
Me: "Oh kya hai? Kaandham?"
The next moment i could see my maid at ground level only.. Because she had fallen down launghing as she heard me telling Kandhaa as Kaandham == (Which is nothing but) Condom!! I was embarassed!