No grudge or anything against anyone today.. But this incident did provoke me a couple of days back & made me to ponder the issue in detail...
Days with R are really busy & tied up.. Managing everything (everything here means taking care of R exclusively + cooking == dead tiredness + assured weight loss) for R & myself alone (B is a student! Comes home in the evenings like how we used to come back from a very tough exam & so can't thrust much work on the poor fellow) wears me out.. I long for nights where I can do some sole-facebooking & finally rest my eyes! These days I have even stopped spending long hours chatting over the phone with my friends & family - B is happy about it as I have brought down the telephone bills.. :-)
B's relatives (most of them) are residing in one of the European Countries.. Now I need to tell something - the government over there has given an extremely daring yet the best luxury any lady could ask for- free phone calls to India especially to houses with landlines.. Not an issue.. We have one & every alternate day we get phone calls.. (My God looking at them calling everytime has made the great Me reduce the phone-talk rather I believe..) Things are now different in here as R's mobility has increased & I need to watch him like a hawk.. Also we have the fixed landline & do not have a cordless phone yet for some unknown reason yet to be discovered & everytime I get a call, I need not run & check who's calling from the in-built caller-id, rather my mind-voice informs it's from there.. So depending upon R's status & also my status with R (diaper changing / feeding / lullaby-ing / coo-ing etc etc...) I decide whether to answer or not as I need to run all the way to the living room leaving R alone.. There is always a next call from there to explain the previous call's situation! :-) Lucky!!!
So one day like this when R's status was okey I quickly rush & answer the alarming rings from the living room. It was the usual voice of her, "mmmm, yeah.. so what are you doing?", and I explain to her,"well, we just had our lunch.... nothing much here.. what are you guys doing?" She continues,"Yeah you know na, my sister's daughter is getting married, the engagement was a full blast.. the groom looks too good.., too young for his age, tall, fair... blah blah blah......" She was speaking so much about her niece's fiance that my mind on the other side was thinking about R.. I had left him on the bed with a huge wall of pillows wrapped up in a thick blanket which would be tough for him to push & crawl out, but still a mom's mind cooks a lot.. As I was thinking if I should bring R here or not (as bringing him here will also disturb me as he won't stay put on my lap & the distractions which I show, will put her off... - see i need to think so much!!) I could hear the voice there still praising about the groom.. I was about to tell her to wait for 5 minutes while I put R in his pram & bring him to the hall where we were talking, when she told, "my niece kilicha koda thaanda maataaru......" - which means - the groom there never crosses the line drawn by her niece.. (literally means a obedient groom..! what the...!!) She didn't stop with that, she continued, "namma relative la kooda oruthar apadithaan.... (in a sarcastic tone)" - which means - in our relative circle also there is one person like him..
Now I needed 3 clarifications while R was still in my mind -
1. Why do I have to listen to all this when I had my own tensions running here?,
2. They aren't yet husband & wife - why to discuss about those young people?
3. What's wrong lady? - it's their life.. Let each other draw lines & jump or not jump!
& yeah .... I needed a 4th one also - what's with the sarcastic tone? So here it is - she did mean us.... rather B!!!! Poor B...!
The phone call ended with R's shrill cry from inside that I had to hang up & rush inside to pacify.. The day went on, but my mind was still stuck with the comment I had to hear.. Now I had to analyse this what's so mean about me & B?...
1. B's circle of relatives are born & brought up in a primitive town in TN.. Though they have settled in Europe, their thoughts are still primitive.. It's still Patidev RULES in every house!! A wife blindly listens to her husband whether the man is right or wrong, not a word against.. (yeah comments are allowed later though! :P) Probably the next generation which is born & brought up there will be different i guess..
2. B is the youngest chap in his circle - a decade gap which will obviously change the point of viewin all aspects!!
3. I am the odd lady out here.. I have been brought up in a different situation altogether.. I have gone to schools where we reason out each & everything.. We participate in group discussions & interviews, where we are supposed to answer back.. In my house, I definitely know my capacity & I leave the final choice to B.. B has his own position here, but aahhhh... the mutual decision we try to make in some cases is what has troubled those primitive town relatives..
In today's world I have seen men leaving the entire decision making to their wives (one of my relative gives his entire package to his wife & takes some as his pocket money!).. Women drive cars, Women are pilots, Women are in politics, Women are everywhere.. In each & every case, in every situation given women have to make their decisions & back home how many of them blindly wait for their husband to make a decision? No! Atleast they go in for a discussion be it any situation unless & until the husband comes up with a bang-on idea! I needed to explain this entire stuff to the lady who injected this sort of tension (while i was already overloaded with R).. Not sure how, but somehow I need to erase this kind of nose-poking thoughts from her mind..
Later that night I was thinking about her... How sarcastic she can get to make fun of our family! How much this lady is capable of? I wonder how she manages to finish her cooking, cleaning, taking care of her kid, making overseas calls regularly, analysing how each family situation works - who dominates who, gossips, making sarcastic comments...!!! My God Iam no way near her... What's the use having got Master's degree & I don't know how to manage this simple situation! It looks simple, but if i need to act like her, I have to put in some big homework...! Iam happy being myself.. I don't poke my nose neither I know how to indulge in such sarcasm! Poor B was sleeping unaware of the whole situation.. How I wished I was in B's place now.. Somewhere in my mind it was running - Are women really complicated? How the situation has complicated!!!
Now if there is any future phone call, I will know how to handle.. Lady inside me says, "Just don't answer! Let her know you are upset, annoyed, confronted by her previous call!" Me: "How long can I do that? Let's forget it for now. Next time I will give her back..!" Lady Inside me: "If you leave it now, then she will take advantage again! So either give her back, else ignore her calls..!" Me: zzzzZzzzzzz. Lady Inside Me: "You there? Lazy Bones?"
Was I in Europe, in my dreams.......?
Days with R are really busy & tied up.. Managing everything (everything here means taking care of R exclusively + cooking == dead tiredness + assured weight loss) for R & myself alone (B is a student! Comes home in the evenings like how we used to come back from a very tough exam & so can't thrust much work on the poor fellow) wears me out.. I long for nights where I can do some sole-facebooking & finally rest my eyes! These days I have even stopped spending long hours chatting over the phone with my friends & family - B is happy about it as I have brought down the telephone bills.. :-)
B's relatives (most of them) are residing in one of the European Countries.. Now I need to tell something - the government over there has given an extremely daring yet the best luxury any lady could ask for- free phone calls to India especially to houses with landlines.. Not an issue.. We have one & every alternate day we get phone calls.. (My God looking at them calling everytime has made the great Me reduce the phone-talk rather I believe..) Things are now different in here as R's mobility has increased & I need to watch him like a hawk.. Also we have the fixed landline & do not have a cordless phone yet for some unknown reason yet to be discovered & everytime I get a call, I need not run & check who's calling from the in-built caller-id, rather my mind-voice informs it's from there.. So depending upon R's status & also my status with R (diaper changing / feeding / lullaby-ing / coo-ing etc etc...) I decide whether to answer or not as I need to run all the way to the living room leaving R alone.. There is always a next call from there to explain the previous call's situation! :-) Lucky!!!
So one day like this when R's status was okey I quickly rush & answer the alarming rings from the living room. It was the usual voice of her, "mmmm, yeah.. so what are you doing?", and I explain to her,"well, we just had our lunch.... nothing much here.. what are you guys doing?" She continues,"Yeah you know na, my sister's daughter is getting married, the engagement was a full blast.. the groom looks too good.., too young for his age, tall, fair... blah blah blah......" She was speaking so much about her niece's fiance that my mind on the other side was thinking about R.. I had left him on the bed with a huge wall of pillows wrapped up in a thick blanket which would be tough for him to push & crawl out, but still a mom's mind cooks a lot.. As I was thinking if I should bring R here or not (as bringing him here will also disturb me as he won't stay put on my lap & the distractions which I show, will put her off... - see i need to think so much!!) I could hear the voice there still praising about the groom.. I was about to tell her to wait for 5 minutes while I put R in his pram & bring him to the hall where we were talking, when she told, "my niece kilicha koda thaanda maataaru......" - which means - the groom there never crosses the line drawn by her niece.. (literally means a obedient groom..! what the...!!) She didn't stop with that, she continued, "namma relative la kooda oruthar apadithaan.... (in a sarcastic tone)" - which means - in our relative circle also there is one person like him..
Now I needed 3 clarifications while R was still in my mind -
1. Why do I have to listen to all this when I had my own tensions running here?,
2. They aren't yet husband & wife - why to discuss about those young people?
3. What's wrong lady? - it's their life.. Let each other draw lines & jump or not jump!
& yeah .... I needed a 4th one also - what's with the sarcastic tone? So here it is - she did mean us.... rather B!!!! Poor B...!
The phone call ended with R's shrill cry from inside that I had to hang up & rush inside to pacify.. The day went on, but my mind was still stuck with the comment I had to hear.. Now I had to analyse this what's so mean about me & B?...
1. B's circle of relatives are born & brought up in a primitive town in TN.. Though they have settled in Europe, their thoughts are still primitive.. It's still Patidev RULES in every house!! A wife blindly listens to her husband whether the man is right or wrong, not a word against.. (yeah comments are allowed later though! :P) Probably the next generation which is born & brought up there will be different i guess..
2. B is the youngest chap in his circle - a decade gap which will obviously change the point of viewin all aspects!!
3. I am the odd lady out here.. I have been brought up in a different situation altogether.. I have gone to schools where we reason out each & everything.. We participate in group discussions & interviews, where we are supposed to answer back.. In my house, I definitely know my capacity & I leave the final choice to B.. B has his own position here, but aahhhh... the mutual decision we try to make in some cases is what has troubled those primitive town relatives..
In today's world I have seen men leaving the entire decision making to their wives (one of my relative gives his entire package to his wife & takes some as his pocket money!).. Women drive cars, Women are pilots, Women are in politics, Women are everywhere.. In each & every case, in every situation given women have to make their decisions & back home how many of them blindly wait for their husband to make a decision? No! Atleast they go in for a discussion be it any situation unless & until the husband comes up with a bang-on idea! I needed to explain this entire stuff to the lady who injected this sort of tension (while i was already overloaded with R).. Not sure how, but somehow I need to erase this kind of nose-poking thoughts from her mind..
Later that night I was thinking about her... How sarcastic she can get to make fun of our family! How much this lady is capable of? I wonder how she manages to finish her cooking, cleaning, taking care of her kid, making overseas calls regularly, analysing how each family situation works - who dominates who, gossips, making sarcastic comments...!!! My God Iam no way near her... What's the use having got Master's degree & I don't know how to manage this simple situation! It looks simple, but if i need to act like her, I have to put in some big homework...! Iam happy being myself.. I don't poke my nose neither I know how to indulge in such sarcasm! Poor B was sleeping unaware of the whole situation.. How I wished I was in B's place now.. Somewhere in my mind it was running - Are women really complicated? How the situation has complicated!!!
Now if there is any future phone call, I will know how to handle.. Lady inside me says, "Just don't answer! Let her know you are upset, annoyed, confronted by her previous call!" Me: "How long can I do that? Let's forget it for now. Next time I will give her back..!" Lady Inside me: "If you leave it now, then she will take advantage again! So either give her back, else ignore her calls..!" Me: zzzzZzzzzzz. Lady Inside Me: "You there? Lazy Bones?"
Was I in Europe, in my dreams.......?
